The best of 2005

I have made a summary of 2005 in Chinese, and now I want to make a different one in English.

When I look back of 2005, of course, there are a lot of things I should remeber. In fact, there weren’t any major transitions or milestones in mylife. I spent half of year in my hometown---Wuhan, and the other in the most boring city in Asia. I read a lot books, watched some tv shows, see large quantities of films and listening some songs.

I want to list the best of xx of 2005 to me :

The best of novel in Chinese: The Brother by Yu Hua
The best of novel in English: Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince by J.K Rowling
The best of movie in Chinese: Wait Alone by Wu Shixian
The best of movie in English: Melinda and Melinda by Woody Allen
The most undervalued movie : The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
The best blog in Chinese: He Cai tou
The best blog in English：Steven ber linjohnson
The best web in Chinese: Dou Ban
The best web in English: Myspace

Reflection of Myself

It is rainy outside, and I can not believe it has lasted nearly 3 days. My mood is also wet now just like the weather in Singapore. Eric told me when he stayed in Singapore there was only no more than 1 times it rained all day long. Maybe above life of mine was Rain God, then every time when friends come to my city, it would rain, just like 1st May in 2004 and this time. Although a friend of mine told me the perfect is not perfect, and the real perfect is hope. But do flaw really make hope exist? I can not find hope here.

I want to leave, really want. This idea is no more intense like now. I can not find myself here, and I like a ghost living in Singapore. Sometimes when I study in centre library, I do not know what I am studying in and what I am researching in. I do not know why I am here and after these 2 years where I should go. Every time I think this problem, I must lost.

Looking back the past half year, it have seemed I was busy and enriched, but in fact all this was pseudomorph, and I only entered an area I do not familiar.

Eric told me I am the girl who only insist my own idea and never accept the suggestion from others. I do not feel regret resign from bank. What I am indignant is what the life I want. If I can not find the answer of this question, I think I would always change my existing life until someday I find the answer.

Now I feel afraid I would give up.

Last day, when I stared my reflection in the mirror at Malacca, is really me, black eye socket, edema face, multitudinous smallpox? If f4 was not outside that time, I think I would cry. I miss my family, my friends and peaceful life.

Some guy now told me just 2 years could pass so quickly, and I can pretend to interested in everything. Just like the old song sang “When I wear a mask, I can fool the world but I can not fool myself”, maybe I must learn to fool myself.

Do not be surprise for any decision I made.