High Fidelity

If a girl depressed about her relationship, I recommend this book.

It helps you to reason: 

1) Men won't make the move, they struggle too much with themselves to realize they actually have a life. 

2)Men don't really know what they want, so they confuse when there are too much offer on the table. 

3)Men like to keep their options open, just in case something better comes up. 

4) U have to respect their nerdyness. 

At least it works for me...

Legendary Birthday

There is a girl, sorry maybe not true, since she is not such young. So the story would be started like this, there is a lady named Ivy, which is a kind of poison plant. Today is her birthday, and she told the others that she would always stay in 25. In fact I am the only person knowing that she is 26 today.

She is quite normal, like she can not be recognized from the others. She is not tall, not short; she is not fat, not slim; she is not beautiful, not ugly; she is not noisy, not quite; she is not brave, not shy; she is not funny, not boring also; she is not special, just normal, you know you can not find a more suitable word to describe her. Since I knew her, she have never doen some special things. As far as I know, the craziest thing she have done is “purification”. I should explain that what it is, that is mean at two consecutive days you can just eat apple at the first day and drink milk at the second, nothing else including water. Usually she does it once per month. I guess she should be very “clean”.

Then for this birthday her friends decided to do some special things for her. They bought a vest putted “hello this is Ivy (for sure)” in the front and “I am available” in the back. All these sentences are typical of Ivy’s. I do not know why when she makes a phone call, she uses to say “hello this is ivy” even it is quite obviously for the others. To “I am available”, what I can say is a mistake of her. She told me that at the first party with those friends, one of girl asked her whether she has a boyfriend, she answered “no”, and three seconds later, she added “so I am available”. She told me more than hundreds of time she just wanted to make a joke. However, she did not successfully make it. Oppositely, others make fun of her.

What I have already talked, oh, they bought this vest for her and asked her to wear it to a pub yesterday’s night. Of course she can not reject it. You can not imagine how that vest worked, and I do believe it has magic for sure. At the first there was a hot guy danced with her. Because I was not there, I did not know how hot he was. For what I got the information from the others, he should be very hot. He was absolutely a good dancer and he taught her how to move her body. They seemed dancing happily. But…you know I really hate this word…she got bored and turned to find her friends. Whatever the guy did later to invite her again, she just did not dance with him anymore. Come on lady, who do you want to find in a pub?

Later she danced with another guy, surprised the others; he was obviously not a cute boy as what we usually talked. He was a little bit fat with a weird style haircut. He did not talk too much; he was just close to her and moved the body according to the music. She definitely is not the type who dances with anyone close to her. Others confused, since there were more than three other guys intending to dance with her, she chose this one. They blamed all because of alcohol, even she just drank one cup of Monaco. When the guy left, no one knew.

When she backed again and danced with her friends, they all said “happy birthday” to her. Since time passed 12:00, it was her official birthday. She laughed like a flower, and danced in the center around by her friends. At the meanwhile, a guy interrupted in, stopped to her, said “you are already really nice” and disappeared in all shocked faces. “What does he mean? Nice…nice…” she repeated. “I am not perfect, just nice.” then she danced alone. The guy left a puzzle to all the others.

Do you still remember that vest? If you think the magic of the vest is just like this, you are completely wrong. A woman, exactly speaking, a not such old lady, directly walked up to her and almost kissed her. Fortunately she backed away. She was scared. Sometimes you know magic is not a such amazing thing.

The last part of the magic of vest was an awesome guy. It was said that he was astonishingly cute. He danced with her for quite a while. It seemed like they talked to each other. All the others were excited. But…again this word…at that moment, she felt down suddenly, and it was too late to him to fling his arm out to stop her falling. When everyone was aware of that, she was completely lying on the floor. Then she sat up herself as nothing happened. The first sentence she said was “Do I ever cross you mind anytime?” Nobody knew what she was thinking about at that moment. Probably she was really drunk.

So till now she is still available.

During the day, a lot of friends sent her email or sms. In fact she never felt depressed even she does not have a boyfriend. When she reads those sentences and hears friends’ voice all around world, she feels like she is rich. One of friends, he called her no more than third times per year; nevertheless, he never forgot her birthday. It is like kind of tradition near the end of her birthday he gives her a call talking about previous year and the birthday. She said to him “I do not want growing up, of course I am not ready.” He never heard about that before, kept silence for seconds “You know you would forever be just one day elder than kids.” She laughed.

I think I must forget something to mention. Today is 2nd June. As far as I know international children’s day is 1st June. Her friend is really sweet. You definitely wanna ask who I am. I am a friend of hers. We share quite similar experiences. I must be another Ivy, may be just like anything else.

How to survive?

Last week the 16th season's "Survivor" has finished. Another new 1 million dollars winner came out. This season was fantastic. I do believe I need to write something about this reality show. I mean I have been a fan of this show for more than 10 years.

In fact it is not necessary for me to waste time to introduce this nearly the most popular reality show in the world. My point is that to a 13 years old girl, the most attractive part of this show was competition, which was full of physical contact and intelligent comparison. As time goes by, their lives in the tribe become more and more interesting. Through these scenes, I came to understand that the reality is so so improbity, flooded with lie and cheating. I followed five seasons, but finally I lost my interest, because I was so disappointed about reality. However, those seasons taught me some very important things how to survive in this harsh reality.

The most important thing is, never speak too much. Every season those made a lot of conversations always easily arouse the others dislike. Just in case they can enter the final 3, they were hard to get support from the jury. There is an old Chinese saying "talk much and err much". The second is, never compliant in public. People would never like the people who compliant a lot. Once you compliant, you just present your attitude to the people and the event especially when your team was defeated. One of my friends told me an English proverb "unpleasant endings emerge from lawsuits" . Third, find the right person as your ally. Yon can not win the game without other's help. They help you to win not because they are your friends, since they reciprocate from you. Last, maybe the most important, never stop observing your surroundings including circumstances and people. Chinese famous strategist Sun Tzu who lived in 2500 years before said "Know the enemy and know yourself, and you can be invincible."

For sure I got a lot of information from this show, much more than these four points, like "you can not be friend to everyone, but at least you do not have enemy", "Haste does not bring success", huge-crowd strategy, and etc. But for me these four points are much more important. I have not aware that since I had to face this reality society.

After the graduation, I started my first job in a bank. Compared the simple interpersonal relationship in the school, I felt like a fish without water. I treated people sincerely, but they stabbed in the back. At the beginning I just wanna did what I really was. But you know, being yourselves sometimes was too cool to the others. So I changed my strategies to be as friendly as I can. It was tough, however it was reality. So you call these people as your ally. You do need help from them. Observing others, those garrulous one even their personalities were not troublesome, it is difficult to let people like them. Oppositely, once you speak something not good for someone, he or she would always remember. Anything of complain has nothing good, which would expose your shortcoming and flaw in a person's character. Struggling in a bank department really trained me.

I indeed think this four point have already been rooted in my blood. Sometimes they work very well but not always. We are alwasy stuggling in this trappy world. Everyone is survivor, but just not everyone can win 1 million dollas. I still have a dream as a little girl 10 years before, oneday I can play in the "survivor".

Adventure Life in Marseille (3)

Etranger
In Chinese, we have the same words of "In for a penny, in for a pound". So when I saw the seat besides him was empty, "Do you mind I sit next to you?" Maybe he still minded what I told him before about dogshit, "It was just kidding, for sure I have already cleaned my shoes." I hurriedly added. He smiled, and I looked his blue eyes so transparent which seemed that he could rumble me so easily. "Sit down please." He let me go to the inside seat.

I am always attracted by beautiful eyes and voice. Coincidentally, this guy has both of them. He was like sunshine dispersing my mist of bad luck. However, I am not good at in accosting. Even I was thinking how to start a conversation with him thousands of time, I did not dare. Sitting besides him and nothing happened, I took out the book and read it. Since very young I brought a book along with me everywhere. I would not feel bored when I was reading. But at that moment it was the way to let me calm down.

"You like reading. That is nice." The guy talked to me. "What are you reading?" I showed the cover to him. "The art of travel." He read it. "Is it a book about travel? ' "In fact it is not. I bought this book because I supposed it as a book about traveling. But it is about art. Now I almost finish it, and it turns out to tell us how to enjoy the life." "Sounds very interesting. Could you let me thumb?" "Of course...." I protracted "s" and then "Not, because you interrupt my reading." As I was saying this, I passed the book to him.

"So what are you going to do? It is early Sunday morning." I asked. "Not such early, it is already 9:10." Gosh, I can sleep all Sunday morning. He should be one of those legendary industrious men. I put my tongue out. "You do not think so?" He stoped to look over the book and turned his head to me. We talked to each other on the whole trip to Marseille. First we talked about the book and then it was like investigation. I knew that he comes from Poland and is a PhD student in physics. He had been in France 1 month and would stay here for 1 year. He worked in Marseille, but lived in Aix, because he shared an apartment with another Polish friend there.

To my surprise, it took no more than half an hour from Aix to Marseille. But all cities I lived before, after driving two hours, you may still in the same city. "Enchanté, A bientôt!" said him. "What is that?" I do not understand. "Nice to meet you, see you soon." He waved his hand and walked to the door. I was so disappointed to see his leaving. I blamed myself why I did not ask his help, which was indeed needed for a poor Chinese girl without friends and without any knowledge of French.

The same thing happened again as morning. I showed the address to passerby and asked the direction in English. But they either shacked heads or spoke something in French. I was definitely desperate. "Why do you have such a big luggage?" I heard an understandable language behind me and I knew it was that Polish guy. I did not give him any information about me, not because I did not want just because he never asked. "It is a long story. First thing you could do now is to help me find this place." I replied. "How careless I am! When you first speak English to me, I should notice something. By the way you do not understand French completely?" He felt a little bit embarrassed. "No, not at all." "Give me the address." After looking, he pulled my luggage. "It is cool to know three languages. Sometimes two is enough to survive." I talked as I followed him. "You know that, one day a father rat was bringing his little kid to search food on an apartment, and suddenly there was a cat coming after them. The father barked like a dog, so the cat ran away. He talked to his kid "now you know that learning a foreign language is so important to survive". However, what a pity for me to learn the third one."

Adventure Life in Marseille (2)

Getting Lost
It was local time 00:40. The last shuttle bus to Marseille had already left 40 minutes before. In fact it is out my control, since my flight was supposed arriving at 11:30. The plane was delayed at Amsterdam. I was standing in the arriving hall and staring the empty information service. I felt so helpless. I dragged my two big luggage cases to the exit. Finally I decided to give up. It is so late now and even when I arrived the residence there would not be reception.

I backed to the hall and sit on the bench. Because of the jet lag, I was not tired at all. I took out my PSP and started to play my favorite racing car. No more than 5 minutes, a man was moving towards me and asking "Are you waiting someone?" "No, I am waiting for the next shuttle bus to Marseille." "Next? It would be tomorrow morning. An half hour late, my friend's flight would arrive. I will drive to Marseille. I can give you a ride. It is my pleasure." "Thanks for your generous. I prefer stay here." My words was full of vigilance. The man insisted to give his cellphone number to me. Since then no people talked to me the whole night. I played PSP myself and let background sound effects maximum without earplug. It was not because of fear, but just made me less pitiful.

I was so concentrated in playing and did not noticed how time flied until I found a lot of people around me. Oh man, it was already 7:30 in the morning. The first bus was left on 5:30. I tried to stand up, but I can not. I got a splitting headache. Everything sucked! I can not believe this was the first day I arrive France.

I was surprised that there was only one passenger on the bus, and that was me. It was Sunday morning and not many cars on the road. The view was not attractive at all. My eyes was full of tears, but finally they did not fall. This was the life I choose.

A more unexpected thing happened when the driver told me it was terminal. I showed address to a passerby, and she looked very surprised and kept speaking to me in French. I shook my head to show my incomprehension. Another passerby came near and looked my address. He told me that I took wrong bus and arrived another city called "Aix-en-Provence". "What? Another city?" At that moment I was nearly crumbled. I checked my bus tickets which clearly showed from airport to Marseille. I was totally furious that how the driver brought me to another city. The man told me that maybe because I waited in the wrong stop at the airport. He helped me to carry my luggage cases to the bus stop. Fortunately it was quite close. Unfortunately even such close, I trod on dogshit.

I remembered the one plot of "Sex and City". The actress prepared her life in Paris sanguinely, but after she arrived everything was terrible. She walked along the street lonely and trod on dogshit. However, the same experience happened on me not in a series.

The bus was so narrow that I can not move easily to the back. Suddenly I felt that I stepped upon someone else's feet. "I am sorry." "It doesn't matter. It happens frequently in the bus." I heard a very charming voice speaking in English. "I felt sorry because just before I got on the bus, I trod on dogshit." I smiled and said. It was the first time I felt a little bit relax in this unfamiliar country.

Adventure Life in Marseille (1)

In the fridge, there are five eggs. The first spoke to the second :"Look at the fifth, she is terrible with her hair, how can she become like that?" The second spoke to the third:"Yeap, the fifth is really terrible, she has hair." The third spoke to the fourth :"Look, look, she has hair." The fifth heard, and she said:"Shut up, please, I am a Kiwi."

We do not know the following story whether this Kiwi get along well with those eggs or not. But one thing you know is that even in the nonhuman society, aliens always struggle to the others and lives for them are not easy. I am just an alien for this continent, like a lonely Kiwi around eggs.


Arriving
After waiting at Schiphol airport in Amsterdam for almost 5 hours, finally I boarded on the flight to Marseille. Fortunately the whole trip is no more than one and half hour. I never hate flight so much maybe due to the 12 hours cross Asia and Europa. It is 10:30 in the evening now, so it is 6:30 in the morning in China. I have never been to a place where there is time difference with China. I can not call my mum anytime I want since now, because it is necessary to calculate what time is in China. It is not such easy for me. you know, I am always confused by calculating.

"Bala bala bala bala balalalala...." the man besides me are trying to speak to me in a language I do not understand. But the tone sounds like he poses a question.
"I do not know."
"Sorry I did not ask you a question." the man changed into English.
"Oh, I do not know."

The man stares me curiously, and maybe he is thinking this Chinese girl is so stupid only using "I do not know" to reply. He stops trying to talk with me. It is a good news for me. I do not know what I can chat with him, you know, Chinese people are too conservative to talk with stranger freely.

I am introspecting the whole my 25 years life during the flight. Gosh, I am already 25. In China, majority of girls in my age either have already got married or would get married in no more than 2 years. However, look at me, I have never seriously thought about marriage. Since 18 years, I have left my hometown and never backed there. I like drifting. I do not know why. My mum is always worried about my future.

I clearly remeber that when I first left my hometown, I was so anxious and excited. In fact, it takes only one hour by flight from my hometown to the city of my university. After amazing 4 years, I moved to Beijing to start my first job. It was tough period of time. One and half year later, in order to escape complicate interpersonal relationship, I spend five months at Lugu lake in northern Yunnan province. Getting away from city is awesome. But I can not live in such way. I went to Hongkong to pursue my master. And now I am on the way to Marseille. I do not have any anxiety and excitement as the first time I left. I am used to drift now. But my friends said that drifting is only a form of escapism from the reality for me. I do not know whether they are correct or not. One thing for sure is true that I am the person who likes to say "I do not know." It is such a wonderful answer for almost every question, and the same time it is easy to reply and without responsibility. I do not know why people like to say they know a lot of things. Life is full of unknown, and I do not feel awkward when I say "I do not know."

Then, that's it, I, Miss "I do not know", land on the ground of Marseille.

Chinese - English - French - Chinese...complicate story!

I finished reading the novel which was written by a Chinese girl in English, named “the concise Chinese – English dictionary for lovers”. When I start to read it, I felt a little bit weird not just because she writes in very strange English but also ascribed to things she written in the book are not true. The more I read, the less such feeling I have. After all, it is a novel, it is about relationship and it is about living abroad. I can not demand more.

In this book, I found a lot of similar experience, like all the name of western people are so difficult to memory, the same as the name of street. When she wrote “I am bit confused whether if cinema make me less lonely or even more lonely”, I definitely have the same feeling when I went to the cinema alone. I am wondering whether because I am lonely I go to the cinema or because of the cinema I feel more lonely. But as my friends said, this is life and you would get used to all these kinds of things. It is true, after 5 months in this city, I am used to go to cinema, shopping and a lot other things myself. I lost resistance for these things. Maybe I can call them as the cost of mature or growing up.

This book also inspirs me to write something. Virtually, few weeks ago my friends here already named it “Ivy’s adventure in Marseille”. I was kidding to say “if I found my Mr right in this city, this story would be perfect with a happy ending”. In the novel, when the girl do not need dictionary to communicate, she left her lover and UK. One day, when I can write the story in French, maybe I can find my lover.

I am not sure I can really write all the things in English even in French, anyway I would try.

Where is The Cure

Few days before I went to the concert of “The Cure”. It was amazing, awesome and fantastic! In fact I can not find a suitable adjective to describe it, and language always presents its limitation. Smith (singer) is such a legendary people, and just stood before me no more than 5 meters. He looks so young and full of energy. But all of us know that, next year he would be 50. I singed loudly with them and scream for the encore. I almost cry when he is singing “it's not a case of aiming to please, you know you're always crying. It's just your part in the play for today”, but finally I did not let tears drop. In fact you know that I am not the girl few years before who can cry such easily.

They are the oldest band I have been to the concert. They became famous even I was not exist. I saw a lot of not young people in the concert, some of them alone, some of them with family and some of them with same age friends. I never have this kind of experience. When I was in Asia, generation gap seems quite broad. People much elder than me could not share the same things with young generation. But now I am in western, those first funs of “The Cure” are at the same age as Smith even more. In the concert they were singing, screaming and dancing. I was absolutely moved. I am always afraid of becoming old, but from their face experiences look so attractive.

I do not know when I was in their age I still have such energy. Whether I would go to one of my favorite bands’ concert, whether I would still support my favorite Real Madrid (yesterday they lost the chance to go to next round in Champion League), whether I would continue to travel along…?

I always believe everyone deserve their cure although maybe at present you are tortured. Do not let me wait to long to find my cure.