Chrismas Day

Just a little pictures!

Please Bring the Devil!

Mp3 repeated the song “High” all this morning, those words “I am so high…I am so high” sang from horse voice almost broke my heart. Where could I be high? What is the meaning about high?

I want to drink a small cup of rum against a little milk, with adjusted dark lighting, and put headphones. And then it seems to lie to lie, if do I find high? I become victory, and discard self-esteem, and discard sweet, and discard rationality, to chase the most primitive real physiological and psychological instinct. Then very frankly, loyally to cry out “I am so high—so high!” or it is just illusion?

I am really confused about what I am doing these days. I do not know it is right or wrong. Maybe I am a bad girl, and the most scare thing is that I can forgive myself. Is the dream really the cheque for future? I keep ask myself a lot of questions, but I can give myself answers.

Where am I?

Please bring the devil up in me and I am so high, I am so high over you!

What is the meaning of marriage?

Today my old friend would get married with his girlfriend. Fortunately, they finally walk together after a more than 7 year courtship. I can not attendant their wedding, but I would wish them live happily.

Now it is sunshine outside, but I fell cold inside. I read the weather report of Wuhan where it is rainy. I wish his wedding goes well not interrupted by this unwished rain.

Marriage, is a topic to talk at our generation these 2 years. Our generation seemed to struggle with the commitment. I still remember 2 years before I took my female friend’s wedding. Their two stand before people and received their greeting. Now they divorced, and they even take their own partner to meet together to have a dinner. It seems that I am just that person who feel mild surprise.

Maybe we are all too selfish.

Morrie told us people can not get married if they do not respect each other, if they do not know how to compromise if they can not talk openly what goes on between them and if they do not have a common set of values in life. It seems we could find a lot of people who satisfy these definitions, but it still hard for us to find a partner who could get married.

Every step is like a exploration, and we would never know what will happen next. I am just sitting here to give them my best wishes.

How to escape from choosing?

We could live without lover, we could live without friends, we could live without a lot of things, but we could not escape from choosing. Every year, every month, every day and even every minute we must make decisions. Leisure or working, job or degree, freedom or marriage, perish or survivor, angel or devil, this guy or that guy……

If there is no choice in the world, maybe we could live simply and without so many questions. But we would never live in that unreal world; we still struggle against choosing in this real world.

Now I must make a decision, nobody could help me. God might miss my address and forget to send me something like……

Let me go back to do my research in decision-making policy.

Draw Strength From Sources

Yesterday I was nearly knocked down by motorbike, and a guy pulled me. But I think if he did not do that, I would never be knocked.

At that time, I was thinking my mum and my future, and I had never noticed I was just out of road. He found I was crying, and felt very anxious about me. I can not believe I told everything to a stranger and I kept crying before him. I have never thought I was so weak.

My good teacher Julia told me “Accepting sympathy, love and comfort from others does not mean that you are weak”. I hope she do not say this just want to make me more comfort. But I truly found that we all need the strength of others when we are down. Now I need to draw strength from sources I did not before. Although I am still afraid of my own feelings, I think it is natural. We are all human beings, and I do not want my heart to grow hard. Meanwhile, my heart is really really broken.

I remembered some sentences in “Tuesday with Morrie”, we live because we have truly learn know how to die. I have never walked so close to die.

I must understand that one important thing is that I must live healthily for my family not just for myself. Then next time I would take care myself, do not worry my friends.

I could be the one!

Previously, mum is everything for me. When I was happy, she could let me much happier; when I was sad, she would relieve it; when I was sick, she would pass me a cup of hot tea; whenever I made decisions, she would support me without hesitation. She could be everything I need, but I have never appreciated all these things. I always think that all these are natural. How late of my perception!

Last week, when I got the message that mum suffered leukemia, it really beat me suddenly. I tried to hold my tears, but it was no useful. I kept crying more than 2 days, and then I know tear is useless. Now everything reverses, I must be strong and give confidence and courage to mum. Yes, now I could be everything for you.

I really love you, my mum!


I Could Be The One

I could be your sea of sand
I could be your warmth of desire
I could be your prayer of hope
I could be your gift to everyday

I could be your tide of heaven
I could be a hint of what’s to come
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your blue eyed angel
I could be the storm before the calm
I could be your secret pleasure
I could be your well wishing well
I could be your breath of life
I could be your European dream
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

Now I would lie here in the darkness
Now I would lie here for all time
Now I would lie here watching over you
Comfort you
Sing to you

I could be your worry partner
I could be your socialite
I could be your green eyed monster
I could be your force of light
I could be your temple garden
I could be your tender hearted child
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

Now I would lie here in the darkness
Now I would lie here for all time
Now I would lie here watching over you
Comfort you
Sing to you

Will I ever change the journey
Will the hushed tones disappear
Oh little Rita
Let me hold you
Oh little Rita
Let me love you

I could be your leafy island
I could be your thunder in the clouds
I could be your dark enclosure
I could be your romantic soul
I could be your small beginning
I could be your suit in universe
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

What are you thinking when somebody ask "will you marry me" ?

One day, a guy asked a girl "will you marry me", maybe we all know he was not seriously. If you were this girl, what would you think at that time?

The meaning of marriage is totally different from love or like, although it might just be a joke between the guy and the girl.

I also want to konw why the guy ask such a question.

Welcome to all who read this questionaire give me your oppinion!

My Birthday!

Your Birthdate: June 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive. Your strength: Your universal compassion Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings Your power color: Mauve Your power symbol: Butterfly Your power month: February

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The best of 2005

I have made a summary of 2005 in Chinese, and now I want to make a different one in English.

When I look back of 2005, of course, there are a lot of things I should remeber. In fact, there weren’t any major transitions or milestones in mylife. I spent half of year in my hometown---Wuhan, and the other in the most boring city in Asia. I read a lot books, watched some tv shows, see large quantities of films and listening some songs.

I want to list the best of xx of 2005 to me :

The best of novel in Chinese: The Brother by Yu Hua
The best of novel in English: Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince by J.K Rowling
The best of movie in Chinese: Wait Alone by Wu Shixian
The best of movie in English: Melinda and Melinda by Woody Allen
The most undervalued movie : The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
The best blog in Chinese: He Cai tou
The best blog in English：Steven ber linjohnson
The best web in Chinese: Dou Ban
The best web in English: Myspace

Reflection of Myself

It is rainy outside, and I can not believe it has lasted nearly 3 days. My mood is also wet now just like the weather in Singapore. Eric told me when he stayed in Singapore there was only no more than 1 times it rained all day long. Maybe above life of mine was Rain God, then every time when friends come to my city, it would rain, just like 1st May in 2004 and this time. Although a friend of mine told me the perfect is not perfect, and the real perfect is hope. But do flaw really make hope exist? I can not find hope here.

I want to leave, really want. This idea is no more intense like now. I can not find myself here, and I like a ghost living in Singapore. Sometimes when I study in centre library, I do not know what I am studying in and what I am researching in. I do not know why I am here and after these 2 years where I should go. Every time I think this problem, I must lost.

Looking back the past half year, it have seemed I was busy and enriched, but in fact all this was pseudomorph, and I only entered an area I do not familiar.

Eric told me I am the girl who only insist my own idea and never accept the suggestion from others. I do not feel regret resign from bank. What I am indignant is what the life I want. If I can not find the answer of this question, I think I would always change my existing life until someday I find the answer.

Now I feel afraid I would give up.

Last day, when I stared my reflection in the mirror at Malacca, is really me, black eye socket, edema face, multitudinous smallpox? If f4 was not outside that time, I think I would cry. I miss my family, my friends and peaceful life.

Some guy now told me just 2 years could pass so quickly, and I can pretend to interested in everything. Just like the old song sang “When I wear a mask, I can fool the world but I can not fool myself”, maybe I must learn to fool myself.

Do not be surprise for any decision I made.