New Year Eve...what's that

31st, Dec, 2010, the last day of a shitty year, Lucy is sitting in front of computer and trying to summary what happened in the past 364 days.

She fxxxing hates new year eve, what is the purpose to celebrate the date going from the 31st to the 1st, it doesn't make any sense to her. But as a kitsch as she describes herself, she has to do the celebration, and she cannot be cool to stay at home watching a simple movie, or just lying on the bed. She remembered last year, after counting down at the biggest plaza in Milan, she and some new friends she met that day spend 3 hours in a taxi queue and the fxxxing club was closed when they arrived at 3am as some brainless stupids vomited vodka Red Bull all over her back. The next day, noting has changed, but she was in a disgusting mess and she waked up somewhere with bunch people she cannot remember single faces right now.

She also remembered the year before the last year, she was queuing six deep at a bar full of fannies into her eyeballs. She hadn't entered the bar at the last second of counting down, and she didn't see any friends of her. Therefore, she kissed a ballbag standing behind her.

Nothing ever good happened in the new year eve to her, but she was still planning to do something to kill her new year eve. She even bought a fancy dress, very sexy and fxxxing hot, but she knew already next year 2011 is not going to be HER year. Shit still happens like the past 2010. She probably gonna put all the disappointments, near misses, embarrassing moments, dead kitties, burnt dinners and regrettable encounters as what she is doing now 365 days later.

Then what really happened to her? She shrugged, and just felt nothing, which means it just fxxxed up.

She has a theory called "No B". She thought that in fact people will never feel disappointed till they can compare to the others. So if in our lives, by any chance we find A really bad, her suggestion is to stick on it and never try to find B to compare. For example, she doesn't like the city A now she is living, no she dislikes A, no no she hates A, then she decides before she gets a real chance to finally leave this city, and she will never go to visit or stay in another city B. Because she believes she will be pissed off when she comes back from B. She had a terrible relationship with a guy, who treated her like a peace of shit. Then she sticked to him three years and never tried to meet some others. This theory probably comes from her memory in high school. She never felt herself not pretty till high school, when all the other gals got some love letters from stupid boys but not herself. Caparisons are the worst things happening to her, and she used to evade from them.

She thinks people might sometimes treat her as a stupid girl, but she doesn't care. She knows that she just have a Peter Pan in her body, who never wants to grow up. She hates to become sophisticated, if it means that people should have double faces, lie each other and stab on the other backs. She wish that she will never be like this, but there is no fxxxing never land as a novel.

Anyway she is a false optimism. She will say to everybody, "2011 is going to be the best year EVER! Whoo!!!". Then let it fxxx, and do another summary next year.

"We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise we're aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers". Nothing is really true, but nothing is really false.

My A-Z of Christmas

Abroad

Bored

Calm

Dawn

Eat

Family

Gingerbread

Homesick

Idealist

Journey

Kindness

Lonely

Momentary

Neckerchief

Or nothing to say

Presents

Quietness

Reunion

Saintly

Tears

Unawareness

Very very homesick

Winter

Xmas

Yummy

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lessons from The Apprentice (4)

I am not very assertive, maybe because of my Asian philosophy, or my own personality. I always have a question lingering in my mind "am I ready for that?". So the question is whether you get enough preparation. Preparation is key to success. During the show, it always happened that some people with overconfidence less prepared and failed later.

In fact, I am definitely one in that club, although that question lingers in my mind all the time. I just never care about preparation.

Being passionate and enthusiastic is one of the most important things we need to learn as well. In our whole career life, there must be some things we are going to hate and unbelieve. We should focus on the positive and convince ourselves things we are doing have value.

I guess it is just too hard for me. Even outside my career, I just try my best to stay away things I hate, let alone career, you know how much I care.....However, we need to survive with those fxxxxxxxxxx money we can earn. Or if you are a pretty girl, maybe try your best to get a rich guy who can depend with, or if you are a cute boy, go to find a rich girl...I know all of you won't really consider about it:)

So good luck for myself. Job hunting continues....

Lessons from The Apprentice (3)

In fact I never think I could do better than those participants, but definitely there are always some rubbish participants in the show. However who knows that one day probably one of us, who are watching this show on our comfortable chairs, sofas, and beds, will make dumbest decisions in our career.

There are often some people with "everyone is against me" syndrome. This is definitely a sign of lack of confidence. Surely it is hard to build friendship in the work places, but not everybody is your enemy. So please don't try to gang up on the others all the time.

At the same time, there are usually some people with "everybody is not as good as me" overconfidence. So they take every chance to show their assertiveness. Come on, we need to learn to listen to different views. When you fail to listen, you run a huge risk of missing a better opportunity or idea.

We should know when to talk and when to shut up.

Lessons from The Apprentice (2)

Although I have no intention at all to get a sales job, I learned from this show that everybody is a sales when you are doing your job hunting. Everybody need to sale yourself to your future employers.

I always think of myself as non-sociable person. But that is not mean I am timid, introvert, and anti-social. Oppositely, I am extrovert, and love to spend time with people, but people I like. That is the point, only people I like. I don't like to spend time to talk bullshit with strangers, and cannot tolerant even one single minute of chit chat with people I don't like. Those people who are really sociable can do these, and can enjoy everything they are talking about. I don't have this talent.

But as in The Apprentice, even you don't like them, you must socialize with them. Some of them are good at in the disadvantage of you, and they can help you and let you focus on your own strengths. Socializing will build friendship not enemyship.

Maybe I am just too naive, and not sophisticate enough to socialize.

Lessons from The Apprentice (1)

Yesterday I spend half a day to watch The Apprentice (usa), I watched 7 episodes in a row. The more I watched, the more I was confused. On one side, there were so many excellent people in the show, and they are unemployed, I need to be more patient at my position now. But on the other side, looking so many excellent people are unemployed, why I am bothered to wast time to send hundreds of applications?

I almost cried in my little room, fortunately a friend asked me out for a drink. Sometimes we just need another way to catharsis.

But today I continue to watch again, and just feel so frustrated after one episode...I guess I could never learn something. My best friend in USA who is in the same situation as me is sending me message to courage and cheer up. Negative is contagious, but not positive. It is one of the common phenomenon in the show, which is definitely true on my person experience.

Note: from Audrey Hepburn

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your foodwith the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Tempting Heart….translation of lyrics

I believe I don’t know where you are

because I haven’t heart from you for long time

But in fact you are always in my heart, along with my every breath

I believe I cannot smell you

since there is such a long distance between you and me

But I turn around and you are just behind me

The past is past

It is too late to let me fall in love with you again

Clouds haut blue sky, if they cannot be together forever

It is better to give us courage to think of those memories

At least we could have right to embrace

You should know my tempting heart

I always want to see you again, and try to pump the others for your information

You are always living in my body, and protect my precious memory