She fxxxing hates new year eve, what is the purpose to celebrate the date going from the 31st to the 1st, it doesn't make any sense to her. But as a kitsch as she describes herself, she has to do the celebration, and she cannot be cool to stay at home watching a simple movie, or just lying on the bed. She remembered last year, after counting down at the biggest plaza in Milan, she and some new friends she met that day spend 3 hours in a taxi queue and the fxxxing club was closed when they arrived at 3am as some brainless stupids vomited vodka Red Bull all over her back. The next day, noting has changed, but she was in a disgusting mess and she waked up somewhere with bunch people she cannot remember single faces right now.
She also remembered the year before the last year, she was queuing six deep at a bar full of fannies into her eyeballs. She hadn't entered the bar at the last second of counting down, and she didn't see any friends of her. Therefore, she kissed a ballbag standing behind her.
Nothing ever good happened in the new year eve to her, but she was still planning to do something to kill her new year eve. She even bought a fancy dress, very sexy and fxxxing hot, but she knew already next year 2011 is not going to be HER year. Shit still happens like the past 2010. She probably gonna put all the disappointments, near misses, embarrassing moments, dead kitties, burnt dinners and regrettable encounters as what she is doing now 365 days later.
Then what really happened to her? She shrugged, and just felt nothing, which means it just fxxxed up.
She has a theory called "No B". She thought that in fact people will never feel disappointed till they can compare to the others. So if in our lives, by any chance we find A really bad, her suggestion is to stick on it and never try to find B to compare. For example, she doesn't like the city A now she is living, no she dislikes A, no no she hates A, then she decides before she gets a real chance to finally leave this city, and she will never go to visit or stay in another city B. Because she believes she will be pissed off when she comes back from B. She had a terrible relationship with a guy, who treated her like a peace of shit. Then she sticked to him three years and never tried to meet some others. This theory probably comes from her memory in high school. She never felt herself not pretty till high school, when all the other gals got some love letters from stupid boys but not herself. Caparisons are the worst things happening to her, and she used to evade from them.
She thinks people might sometimes treat her as a stupid girl, but she doesn't care. She knows that she just have a Peter Pan in her body, who never wants to grow up. She hates to become sophisticated, if it means that people should have double faces, lie each other and stab on the other backs. She wish that she will never be like this, but there is no fxxxing never land as a novel.
Anyway she is a false optimism. She will say to everybody, "2011 is going to be the best year EVER! Whoo!!!". Then let it fxxx, and do another summary next year.
"We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise we're aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers". Nothing is really true, but nothing is really false.
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