Dose traveling make me a better person? (Part 2/2)

I looked her, and feel suffered for myself. I asked her to give it to me and let me help. As you probably know, we had difficulties to understand each other, what a language barrier. After body language communication, she gave me all her stuff. I almost had no experience about sewing. It was not easy work for me as well. But I manage to put two pieces into one, which was quite enough. I passed everything to her. She gave me an affable smile back. I felt something touched my heart at that moment.

What she did next was completely out of my imagination. She took out a small bag under her coat and opened carefully one layer by one layer. I was curious about what she was going to do. Then she found a necklace and gave to me. I felt so overwhelmed by an unexpected favor. I didn't know what to do at that moment. I didn't know how to explain what I felt at that moment. I insisted to not take it, and she persisted, which lasted at least 3 minutes. The next thing I did was causeless. I knew that if I took no action and that situation would continue for ever, maybe. I took out 10 RMB which equals to 1.25 euros. She waved and didn't want to take the money. I insisted, and she rejected. I guess that she also realized if she didn't take that money, we would continue for another 10 minutes or whatever. She stopped, but she took out some changes from her pocket. When I saw the changes on her hand, I started to cry. Tears dropped down nonstop. The old lady looked me and didn't know what to say. She didn't understand why I burst into crying. She took her small bag again, and found some milk candies. She passed to me with her warm smile.

She sit besides me for a while. When she was leaving, she patted my shoulder. I looked her back, wiped my tears, and started to think my traveling plan for the next day. At the end, Tibet is still so beautiful. People there are still unsophisticated, honest and friendly. I saw the superficial part and misunderstood the whole. The same things happen in our life everyday, we loss our overall conscienceness by little appearances.

The next day, I joined another two guys and rented a car to Mount Everest and Nepal, which turned out to be one of the best trip in my life.

I was telling this story to a buddha I met in Tibet. He said to me "Buddha cannot be avoided. Buddha is everywhere.Enlightenment possibilities are all over the place. Everybody you meet is a buddha or has a buddha inside yourself. So the old lady was your buddha and made you change your mind of traveling. You were her buddha, not just because of you helped her. Everybody is buddha".

Dose traveling make me a better person? Yes, I think so. And I believe so.

Next week, I am going to New Zealand. Hope I can tell you something changing me during the traveling.

Dose traveling make me a better person? (Part 1/2)

Yesterday on the way back home, a friend who I met on the bus asked me a question "why do you like traveling? does it make you a better person?". I joked back "I am already the best, why do I need to be better". But deep in my heart, I questioned myself "am I a better person because of traveling". It is really hard to answer but I do share some experiences and hope I answer this question by the stories.

Undoubtedly, traveling makes people open minded. However, an open-minded person is not equal to a better person. People could be open-minded without traveling and people could be still close-minded with traveling experiences. IN GENERAL, people loving traveling are more open minded than domestic people.

Some people claim that they love traveling, but I don't believe what they say. If they just go to a different places, always stay in the hotels, continually lie on the beach, and only talk to the other tourists, we can call it as a holiday but not traveling. Traveling can be short or long, which does not matter of the length of period. But traveling people will interact with real locals, enjoy native food and explore surroundings by themselves. People always showed me hundreds of pictures of where they have been, and they talked a lot what they have seen. Is it traveling only about the places? I would highly recommend a book wrote by Alain De Botten "the art of travel". Actually in the book, he didn't encourage people to go travel as much as they can, at the end, travel is just a way of life.

I love traveling alone, which is not just because of freedom and convenience, also the reason to mediate. I totally agree that people can mediate anytime. But what we think is always constrained by your surroundings and people around you. When you are traveling, you are jumping out from your normal life, we don't need to adapt ourselves to the others. Behaviors change, so does mediation.

I guess I told several friends the story happened to me when I was in Tibet. I do like sharing here. I always said that one day I would like to write it down. Finally I get the chance.

The first few days when I was in Tibet, I wasn't happy about what I have seen. Before I went there, I had really high expectations. In my mind, Tibet should be the place sacred and purified.When I arrived Lhasa, I was already disappointed on the way from train station to my hotel. I saw a big market of electronic stuffs, mostly cellphones and mp3/4s, which you could find the same market all over the second or third line cities. Lhasa is occupied by tourism and everything there is commercial. I felt so sad. I started to doubt the reason I went there after the first day I walked around. I didn't have any plan at that moment and return ticket. I decided to give myself few more days to see how it was going on. The next several days I went to Jokhang temple, which is the most sacred and important temple for most Tibetans. Everyday there are thousands of people visiting and praying there, and hundreds of buddhist praying at Jokhang square. I spend three days sitting in front of the gate, listening all those praying in Tibetan which I didn't understand, and melting under the plateau sun. I was hoping I could change my mind and start to explore the whole Tibet. But my incentive was gone day by day. I even listened two totally different versions of the story of pillar in front of the temple. Tourists didn't care, and they just would happy to tell the others that they had been to Tibet and Jokhang temple.

Things always happened without a clue.

I was still sitting in front of the temple and planning that I might go back to my hometown instead of staying. An old Tibetan woman sit besides me. Her elbow protection was broken, and she tried to fix it. If you don't know anything about Tibetan prostrations, here I could tell you something.

A prostration is a gesture used in Buddihist practice to show reverence to the three jewels. In Tibetan tradition, people generally do full prostration, which is described like "place your hands together and touch your crown, throat and heart, then stretch your entire body on the ground and stretch both of your hands as far as possible away from you head, then rise up quickly and repeat". So when they do large number like 100000, people need to wear protections for the knees and elbows.

The woman tried to put a type of plastic wire into a needle, which was really difficult with her old age and poor quality of split wire. (TBC)

Drug Life

I don't know since when I am so interested in drug-related tv series. At this moment, I am following two drug dealer stories "weeds" and "breaking bad", and occasionally check the updates of drug obsession story "skins" and "entourage". And I used to watch "the wire", "that 70's show" and "six feet under".

In my real life, I don't drink, because I am allergic to alcohol; I don't smoke, because I choose to; I never try any kinda drugs..just I am a risk aversion person. Or I guess in my heart I am just so curious about the life I have never lived with, then I became addicted to drug-related tv series.

In general I am natural high, I don't need something external to make me feel happy. But it did happen to me sometimes, when I was not in the mood to socialize and I didn't want to stay alone, ib this case I always end up in a party but not in mood to talk to dance or to do whatever. At that moment, I wish I could be mad as those drunken people who can do whatever they want.

Well, I don't have any experience of drugs, and I could only talk about my alcohol stories. The latest one was happened in 2008, the day before my master commencement. I was with bunch of friends, and the day before that I just flied back to Asia from France. Maybe because of the joy being my own country, the jetlag from the flying, or the excitement of the next day's ceremony, I fxxxxxxxxxx decided to take a shot of whiskey. Two minutes later, believe me, I didn't exaggerate, two minutes, I vomited in the club without warning, it was disgusting, but I cannot help. Then my friend tried to drag me to the bathroom, unfortunately at the entrance of bathroom, I did it again. The cleaning lady was so mad, and she was shouting to me "you are so close to the bathroom, why do you throw up here". Well, I don't want to humiliate myself as well, sorry.

When I walked out from the bathroom, that was already 20 minutes later, I became another person. My arms got rash, my lips got swollen, and my mind was not mine. Friends suggested me to go home to get rest, as a hard core, I would never accept that suggestion. I kept vomiting and parting that whole night, and I don't need to mention the next day my flight to Singapore was at 9 o'clock in the morning.

If I remember well, after no more than 3 hours sleeping, I met my mum at the airport. No doubt, she was asking what happened, I just kept quite. 4 hours flight to Singapore was a nightmare, one of the worst trip in my life.

The commencement was great. I put a lot of make-up to cover my dark eyes, actually smoky eyes. My face was puffy, and I blamed it as fat. My mum didn't ask anything, and I believe that she knew what I did.

After that, I tempted several times to try whatever, but rationality of mine stopped me. I don't know it is good or not. Who knows, who cares..drugs, are still far away from my life, then I only feel close to them by series.

However, "weeds" and "breaking bad" are both in the last season..what I could follow to keep my drug-related series addiction.

"I still believe in paradise
but now at least i know it's not some place you can look for"

What is your strength..or talent?

I have stayed in academia bubbles for very long time. So when I was starting my job hunting in the late 2010, I realized there were so many interesting companies I have never heard about it. One of them was Gallup. When I focused on my research topic in behaviour economics, the nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman was my "mentor". I was amazed by all his theory and experiments. His "prospect theory " was actually the guidance of my master thesis. And I found out that he is the senior scientist in Gallup. I could have chance to meet him and even work with him without staying in academia bubbles anymore, and then I applied the job there. But as you all know, I didn't get the job. Kahneman is still far away from me. That's might a too long introduction about Gallup's "strengthsfinder".

By coincidence, one of the best thing in my career of the past year was about "strengthsfinder".

Actually, I was even a joke for this survey. As a very hardcore deadline killer, after my organization send the link from Gallup, I never pay attention to do it. And one week before the deadline, my team send an email to ask top 5 strengths. I totally forgot "strengthsfinder" survey. I even talked to my officemate, "my top 5 strengths, and I need to describe myself, isn't it weird". Then I send 5 strengths from my own knowledge of myself to my team. At the end, of course, people were shocked by my answers, because they cannot find those words from Clifton strengths finder. They were wondering where I find my strengths. Two days later, my organization send another reminder to finish "strengthsfinder", I finally realized that what I send was completely wrong, but it was already too late.

But I used one of my strength from Gallup's survey to describe myself -- that is adaptability, which I consider as my real talent. That only one word made my colleagues think I was making fun of them.  And, what Gallup found for me in order  is "arranger, adaptability, maximizer, empathy and input". I could see myself into these five strengths very well. How amazing!

As everything has sunshine part, also shadow part. Strength could become weakness as well. My top two actually are very similar at least from what Gallup describes -- flexible. On the other hand, you could say directionless, indecisive, constantly changes priorities. It depends on which angle you look through.

Yesterday I finally got my whole profile. Apart from my top 5, I have chance to know my least 5 in order -- "analytical, competition, restorative, discipline, significance". To be honest, I am not afraid to expose my weakness. Especially as a evader, I could always avoid them.

However, I still feel frustrated when thinking about my job now. As a researcher, I lack of discipline and analytical. Isn't it a catastrophe? The only attribution leading to a good researcher in my profile is probably input. But collection and archive of information sound like generalist, and all researchers are specialists.

So what could I do to fit in my job? or easily change to another job where I could maximizer my strengths? or just complement myself by coordinate with the others?

Something for the one year anniversary in Belgium

How time flies, almost a year. If my friend didn't put a long farewell note on facebook, i didn't even think about it is almost a year. One week later, it is my one year anniversary in Belgium.

 I still remember the day when I was leaving Marseille. I cried almost an hour on the train. My friend who went to the train station was calling me after she saw me crying, but I just cannot speak a word and sobbed sadly. I do believe I hadn't cried so badly for at least two years. All loves, repugnance, emotions and hatred just came out when the train was starting to move. Tears were my best way of catharsis.

I love what I have done in Marseille, but I know that was the best moment I should leave. Most of my friends left or were about to leave that town, I suxed in relationship with my boss and my personal life, I was fed up by French bureaucracy and language itself, i was tired of chaos and unsafety, and i was like a french complaining about my "miserable" life. And then Belgium?

I never thought about I would end up in Belgium, and I even didn't know anything about Antwerp before I moved here. However life is following the flow. We don't need to think about it.

Nothing is perfect, so is Antwerp as well. But right now I appreciate what it is at present.

For the last almost 365 days, the most important thing I have learned was "let it go" - forgive so you can be forgiven. I used to linger on things for quite long time till making things certain. Now I know it is useless effort why not just "let it go". Life is full of burden, it doesn't matter to drop some packages. Well, I am still learning it. To really do it is not that easy. But I am trying.

I don't want to be sentimental. Sometimes I just really have good memories. A year...

The saddest marriage wish..to my best friend

Last Friday, my best friend's wedding, i was not there. Friends were using a smart phone application to broadcast all details to me, photos, audios and videos. But still, I felt sad.

She and I were really close friends, no actually she is my sister. We met each other in junior high school. Since then we have shared every step in our life, joyfulness, sadness, tears, achievement, and growing. I always think that I would be her bridemate, cry at her wedding, and enjoy her happiness. But the reality was, I was not even at her wedding.

I could have been there, but half of the practical difficulties, half of my propensity, I didn't go back China for her wedding. That day, I was sick physically and also emotionally. When I saw all those wedding pictures, I was stacked in the office with my work on slides deck. But my mind was in China at that wedding where I was supposed to be.

She is becoming a mum also. She will be in a completely new stage of life, which is far away from my imagination. I feel like I am still the one needed to be taken care of, and she will be responsible for another human being's life, which is something I am so afraid of.

Right now in my life, I am so scared by all kinds of commitment. In my dictionary, commitment means long term plan. I don't have any long term plan. For example, I could pack all my things and run away to another city without any problem. I am single, I don't have any mortgage and I am a contractor. Of course, I gonna miss all my friends. But real friends will stay in touch wherever you are. I say all this easily, but actually emotionally I am such a weak person. I don't know how to detach people, things and expectations. At the same time, nothing is eternal. I will eventually detach from all things I used to. This is another reason why I am scared by commitment. But deep in my heart, I know how I look forward about commitment. What a conflict personality!

I wish she will be always happy. But there is no forever thing on this planet. She will be get hurt in whatever kinds of ways. But right now, it is enough that she is happy.

Her marriage, in certain way, cracked my world. She announced the marriage by surprise, and one month later she told me that she got pregnant. Everything was just so fast. I kept the distance from all the things she was telling me. I pretended that I don't care. I thought I could be unmoved by life, however, never ever.

"Everyone seems to be afflicted with sorrow.
Even me.
Everyone has problems, some solvable, some insurmountable.
Even me.
Everyone needs a glimmer of hope to egg them on.
Even me.
Stop thinking that I have it all good. Because I don't."

The picture here is what she put during her wedding. Another friend took it from the big screen. I wish we could smile like that now, deep from heart..and be truly happy!

Fear of aging

One of my favorite books “Tuesday with Morrie” has one chapter talking about aging. In the book, 70++ years old Morrie told 30++ years old Mitch “…I embrace aging…it’s very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay…the truth is, part of me is every age”. That’s why Morrie is so special. If you ask me what I fear the most, there is no doubt, it is aging.

What I am afraid of aging are not only just about physical aging, of course, I wish I will never see any wrinkles on my face and my body and I will always have good sight and hearing, but also mental aging. You must complain that your grandma cannot use skype with you; you must also be annoyed when you just about to have a party night, the neighbor old couples knocked your door and asked you be quite; you must wonder that what old people could do every day and night. Yes we could see that old people seem more stubborn and close minded, I mean generally. I am more afraid myself become like that – refuse to accept new technology, envy young generation, and lose curiosity.

You can always convince me that I won’t become one of that, but are you sure?

Monday I went to see the movie “the best exotic marigold hotel”, which talks about a bunch of aging people went to India with all different purposes and ended up happily. It is a comedy, but English humor with aging people, definitely more like a bitter sweet one. The movie tried to tell us whatever the age people are, they could have their own happy life. But the truth is how difficult it is.

Those people who don’t know me very well probably will be surprised by what I am going to say in the following. I wish I could die when I turn into 50, ideally by accident. 50 is the perfect age to enjoy everything and not become into a crazy old human being. Anyhow, dying is not scary. “Living unhappily is something else”. I don’t mean aging equal to living unhappily, however mostly. Who knows, maybe I gonna be a super happy old lady living forever ever and ever.

But I don’t want to hide my fear of aging. I really don’t like becoming old. Besides “when you are old, you have the special smell”, like forgetfulness, and it is not particularly nice:(

2011 in review: a year of changes

"Most days i wish i was a British pound coin" from the book i am reading . When i read this sentence, i was pondering what i was dreaming about most days. As a professional daydream, i have so many dreams. I wish i don't need to work, i wish i will never get old, i wish i will meet my Mr right, i wish i could travel the world...but mostly i wish i don't need to make choices. However, dreams rarely come true..that was how 2011 started.

If you by chance read my last blog 'my heart is an elephant', in the story, the girl was blocked in a metro station in Paris and went to champs elysees to count down without a clock for the public. Actually that was true, and that happened to me. But different with the story, i was not alone and with two other friends. If the worst thing on new year day means that the year gonna be better, I shouldn't keep complaining that freaky cold night in Paris without fireworks and counting down.

The first week of 2011 was torturing, everything was out of my control and i knew i had no chance to defense before March. Then I booked the tickets to China for Chinese new year. The way back to Wuhan, i didn't feel any excitement just full of disappointment. But 20 days later I came back Marseille with some hopes. I was kinda assured about my defense date and i got two job interviews. Life is filled with ups and downs. We should never be affected by downs, but when you were at downs, it is really difficult to see ups.

After twins and turns, I defensed in March and finally I went ahead of that 3 years. I had fun during that period, but I really need to get out of it. I was really happy. And then i need to decide where to go after. I had three job offers at that moment, but sometime it is not good to have options. As you all know, i end up with belgium. I would never think about if i made another decision. But in March, I even had a list of pros and cons.

Without a thorough plan, I went to tibet in May. I always wanted to go there, but there were always this or that stopping me. Why can we just do something without thinking? The trip was fantastic, and it was far greater than i expected. I spend my birthday there, which was the first time in my life without family and friends. I always said, it is good that a person can still keep saying this is the first time I am doing blahblah..the older you are, the rarer you could say this..isn't it true?

When i got back from the trip, a friend offered me a surprise present to Barcelona's music festival. How could I say no to my favorite city's music festival? I went to Barcelona with my jet-lagged body. I partied like a madwoman for two whole nights. And then the rest of June was about farewell. With the "high school goggles" (from Robin in HIMYM), I was so attached to the people there and the city itself. I won't forget the day when i took the train to belgium, I cried more than half an hour. People on the train must think what was wrong with this crazy chinese girl. So probably not because of high school goggles, I was in love but i just didn't want to admit. By the way, I don't believe love, never ever.

The work is Okay, the city is nice, and the people i met are lovely. The second of 2011, i keep changing myself to get used to belgium style. I am usually a slow person, but this time i must say i adjusted quite efficiently.

I went to berlin, and the first time i missed a flight..not my fault; i went back marseille, and everything was the same but different for me...am i too sentimental; i went to new york..a snow in october..and i lost my jack..time to say goodbye:(

I wish i could have resolutions for the new year...fortunately i don't have any..no danmmit even single one. I am keeping my procrastination, laziness, carelessness, dry sense of humor, and whatever part of me. Why do we need to make changes? Changes happen themselves anyway...as human being..let's just follow the flow.

It is not too late to make a 2011 review, anyway we are still in January. Moreover I am a chinese, chinese new year is coming.

I have no expectation for 2012. No expectation, no disappointment. The simpler, the happier.

My heart is an elephant

Lindsay got dumped at the last second day of 2010. She called her sister Lily, who was in Paris at that moment. Lily was waked up by Lindsay's call at 5am at new year eve, and she immediately knew that there were something wrong. In fact, when Lily caught up her phone and opened her eyes, she even didn't know where she was. She was completely drunk the night before, and ended up with a random guy who was hitting on her. Lily is completely opposite from her sister Lindsay, who is a super nice girl and never has any experience of one night stand. Lily was not surprised at all about her sister's experience before the new year eve. She told Lindsay millions of time "to be nice means to be dumped", but nobody can be changed. Lindsay was crying over the phone "what is wrong with me, I just cannot make a guy stay with me, and what would I do for the damned new year eve", and Lily consoled her "men love bitches, but you are not." Similar conversations continued over 2 hours, till that random guy was kicking the door of bathroom.

Lily is a self-employed photographer and columnist. She never stayed a place more than 3 months, and kept this kind of life for more than 10 years already. There was no single place which would stop her, as well as men. While, Lindsay had stayed in Chicago for 5 years. Within these 5 years, first she spend 2 years with an asshole, and then one year with a nice guy but terrible future mother in law. After that, she hadn't had a really long relationship. She was always the one who involved a lot and was dumped at the end. Lindsay never thought that there was something in common between she and her sister. After all these experiences, she knew that they both don't believe love.

When Lindsay hung up the phone, the first thing she did was booking the earliest flight to Paris. She arrived her hotel close to champs elysees at 10pm. She called Lily and told her that she was in Paris. Lily was astonished. She used to think her sister as a predictable person, and she would never expect that Lindsay would fly Paris to spend her new year eve. They arranged to meet at the closest metro station to Eiffel tower.

Lindsay wore her most beautiful makeup and sexiest dress walking out of her hotel. She could hear whistles around her and guys were hitting on her. But she felt disgusting and repulsion. She is a cute girl but she never used her cuteness to attract guys. She wishes the guy who would like to be with her just because of who she is from inside to outside. But all these guys at that moment on the street were absolutely stupid in her mind just because of her outlooking. However, Lily used her beauty superlatively and kept all her relationship strictly physical.

Lindsay couldn't call a taxi, because all taxis in Paris at new year eve were busy. When she hardly walked to the metro station with her 15cm high heel shoes, she was pissed off by the fact that metro system was crashed at that moment in Paris. Finally she was mad when she tried to call her sister, because telecommunication system was not working as well. Tears were filled in her eyes. Few minutes before her heart was an elephant when she looked down all those stupid guys. But now she was still that Lindsay, weak, sensitive, naive, innocent, and helpless. She saw an huge elephant was out of her body and run away. Only 15 minutes left to midnight, the only thing she could think about was going to a place around people, the closest one champs elysees.

There were millions of people on champs elysees, but Lindsay knew nobody. Moreover, there was even no clock to show the time. Lindsay looked her watch, which was still Chicago time 7 hours and couple minutes before the midnight. It was ridiculous to see all people around were looking at their watches or cellphones. She closed eyes and let tears finally drop down. She felt somebody wipe her tear, and opened her eyes. Lily was standing in front of her. No words to say, they hugged and kissed each other. Nobody really cared that 2010 had passed, and there were even no counting down.

"You know, there was an elephant beside you, therefore, I found out you in this huge crowd."

New Year Eve...what's that

31st, Dec, 2010, the last day of a shitty year, Lucy is sitting in front of computer and trying to summary what happened in the past 364 days.

She fxxxing hates new year eve, what is the purpose to celebrate the date going from the 31st to the 1st, it doesn't make any sense to her. But as a kitsch as she describes herself, she has to do the celebration, and she cannot be cool to stay at home watching a simple movie, or just lying on the bed. She remembered last year, after counting down at the biggest plaza in Milan, she and some new friends she met that day spend 3 hours in a taxi queue and the fxxxing club was closed when they arrived at 3am as some brainless stupids vomited vodka Red Bull all over her back. The next day, noting has changed, but she was in a disgusting mess and she waked up somewhere with bunch people she cannot remember single faces right now.

She also remembered the year before the last year, she was queuing six deep at a bar full of fannies into her eyeballs. She hadn't entered the bar at the last second of counting down, and she didn't see any friends of her. Therefore, she kissed a ballbag standing behind her.

Nothing ever good happened in the new year eve to her, but she was still planning to do something to kill her new year eve. She even bought a fancy dress, very sexy and fxxxing hot, but she knew already next year 2011 is not going to be HER year. Shit still happens like the past 2010. She probably gonna put all the disappointments, near misses, embarrassing moments, dead kitties, burnt dinners and regrettable encounters as what she is doing now 365 days later.

Then what really happened to her? She shrugged, and just felt nothing, which means it just fxxxed up.

She has a theory called "No B". She thought that in fact people will never feel disappointed till they can compare to the others. So if in our lives, by any chance we find A really bad, her suggestion is to stick on it and never try to find B to compare. For example, she doesn't like the city A now she is living, no she dislikes A, no no she hates A, then she decides before she gets a real chance to finally leave this city, and she will never go to visit or stay in another city B. Because she believes she will be pissed off when she comes back from B. She had a terrible relationship with a guy, who treated her like a peace of shit. Then she sticked to him three years and never tried to meet some others. This theory probably comes from her memory in high school. She never felt herself not pretty till high school, when all the other gals got some love letters from stupid boys but not herself. Caparisons are the worst things happening to her, and she used to evade from them.

She thinks people might sometimes treat her as a stupid girl, but she doesn't care. She knows that she just have a Peter Pan in her body, who never wants to grow up. She hates to become sophisticated, if it means that people should have double faces, lie each other and stab on the other backs. She wish that she will never be like this, but there is no fxxxing never land as a novel.

Anyway she is a false optimism. She will say to everybody, "2011 is going to be the best year EVER! Whoo!!!". Then let it fxxx, and do another summary next year.

"We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise we're aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers". Nothing is really true, but nothing is really false.

My A-Z of Christmas

Abroad

Bored

Calm

Dawn

Eat

Family

Gingerbread

Homesick

Idealist

Journey

Kindness

Lonely

Momentary

Neckerchief

Or nothing to say

Presents

Quietness

Reunion

Saintly

Tears

Unawareness

Very very homesick

Winter

Xmas

Yummy

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lessons from The Apprentice (4)

I am not very assertive, maybe because of my Asian philosophy, or my own personality. I always have a question lingering in my mind "am I ready for that?". So the question is whether you get enough preparation. Preparation is key to success. During the show, it always happened that some people with overconfidence less prepared and failed later.

In fact, I am definitely one in that club, although that question lingers in my mind all the time. I just never care about preparation.

Being passionate and enthusiastic is one of the most important things we need to learn as well. In our whole career life, there must be some things we are going to hate and unbelieve. We should focus on the positive and convince ourselves things we are doing have value.

I guess it is just too hard for me. Even outside my career, I just try my best to stay away things I hate, let alone career, you know how much I care.....However, we need to survive with those fxxxxxxxxxx money we can earn. Or if you are a pretty girl, maybe try your best to get a rich guy who can depend with, or if you are a cute boy, go to find a rich girl...I know all of you won't really consider about it:)

So good luck for myself. Job hunting continues....

Lessons from The Apprentice (3)

In fact I never think I could do better than those participants, but definitely there are always some rubbish participants in the show. However who knows that one day probably one of us, who are watching this show on our comfortable chairs, sofas, and beds, will make dumbest decisions in our career.

There are often some people with "everyone is against me" syndrome. This is definitely a sign of lack of confidence. Surely it is hard to build friendship in the work places, but not everybody is your enemy. So please don't try to gang up on the others all the time.

At the same time, there are usually some people with "everybody is not as good as me" overconfidence. So they take every chance to show their assertiveness. Come on, we need to learn to listen to different views. When you fail to listen, you run a huge risk of missing a better opportunity or idea.

We should know when to talk and when to shut up.

Lessons from The Apprentice (2)

Although I have no intention at all to get a sales job, I learned from this show that everybody is a sales when you are doing your job hunting. Everybody need to sale yourself to your future employers.

I always think of myself as non-sociable person. But that is not mean I am timid, introvert, and anti-social. Oppositely, I am extrovert, and love to spend time with people, but people I like. That is the point, only people I like. I don't like to spend time to talk bullshit with strangers, and cannot tolerant even one single minute of chit chat with people I don't like. Those people who are really sociable can do these, and can enjoy everything they are talking about. I don't have this talent.

But as in The Apprentice, even you don't like them, you must socialize with them. Some of them are good at in the disadvantage of you, and they can help you and let you focus on your own strengths. Socializing will build friendship not enemyship.

Maybe I am just too naive, and not sophisticate enough to socialize.

Lessons from The Apprentice (1)

Yesterday I spend half a day to watch The Apprentice (usa), I watched 7 episodes in a row. The more I watched, the more I was confused. On one side, there were so many excellent people in the show, and they are unemployed, I need to be more patient at my position now. But on the other side, looking so many excellent people are unemployed, why I am bothered to wast time to send hundreds of applications?

I almost cried in my little room, fortunately a friend asked me out for a drink. Sometimes we just need another way to catharsis.

But today I continue to watch again, and just feel so frustrated after one episode...I guess I could never learn something. My best friend in USA who is in the same situation as me is sending me message to courage and cheer up. Negative is contagious, but not positive. It is one of the common phenomenon in the show, which is definitely true on my person experience.

Note: from Audrey Hepburn

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your foodwith the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Tempting Heart….translation of lyrics

I believe I don’t know where you are

because I haven’t heart from you for long time

But in fact you are always in my heart, along with my every breath

I believe I cannot smell you

since there is such a long distance between you and me

But I turn around and you are just behind me

The past is past

It is too late to let me fall in love with you again

Clouds haut blue sky, if they cannot be together forever

It is better to give us courage to think of those memories

At least we could have right to embrace

You should know my tempting heart

I always want to see you again, and try to pump the others for your information

You are always living in my body, and protect my precious memory

If everything has a deadline

Sarah is a procrastinator, and she called herself "deadline killer". She waits the last minute to do everything, and she never breaks the deadline, which is not in her principles. Sometimes she considers herself not just a procrastinator, but a trifler. If nobody gives her a deadline, she completely losses her incentive, and she could spend whole day doing nothing, being in a daze, surfing on internet, or searching for all gossips. She could feel awfully, but she doesn't. She tells herself that, once she gets the deadline, she will finish on time, and all efforts are useless before that deadline.

She treats her relationship at the same way. She seems never be really concerned about it. It maybe because of non-deadline of this relationship. Her boyfriend always complains her not involving enough. She asks herself whether it would be better if there is a deadline for this boring relationship. The relationship is not the only thing that she gets bored, and her platitude is "bored to death".

She knew that there is something wrong with her attitude, but she hasn't known what that is till one day her boss yelled to her "what is the hell that you need a deadline, just do your own plan".

What if one day she got a diagnosis of cancer which predicted that she would have 1 year to live? A real dead line probably would invert her to another person. She maybe try her best to do all different kinds of things, enjoy everything happening in every moment, and not waste single second. But why she could only do these with that deadline of her life?

She still keeps her own way of life as before, and prays not to get a deadline diagnosis.

In fact, deadline is like a enclosure, inside which you feel save, but outside which you will see much more beautiful views.

World cup: overhyped..and only in memory

The final happened 5 days before. Everything was still clear in my mind. Finally I could sit in front of computer calmly to finish this article.

I was in Spain, not in Madrid, but in Barcelona. Even the day before, millions of people were on the street to show their disappointment with the Constitutional Court in Spain because of a sentence that reduces hope of more autonomy for Catalonia. After the greatest victory in history, millions of people were also on the street to show their excitement. It is Barcelona, an amazing city!

The last four matches were OK. They were like the endings of books or movies. Once you start, whatever how they go, you want to finish and know what happen at the end.

"The Beautiful Game is dead.

Killed by cheats, commercialism and greed."

I don't want to admit this world cup is insipid, because I enjoyed it. Everyday I had excuse to leave the office earlier and spend time with friends to have a drink and watch matches. But wasn't it insipid?

Several years before, it was shameful to cheat on the field, now all matches are riddled with Ugly Cheats, who crumble to the floor and roll around in mock agony if an opponent so much as looks at them the wrong way. Robben, Drogba, Capdevila, Ronaldo, you are a disgrace.

Hardly a single professional footballer on show in South Africa this last month exhibited anything resembling a trace of national pride. Bunch of millionaires were like clowns on the field. You could date celebrities, could buy ridiculously fancy watches and live in Armani-branded bubbles, or whatever, but when you were playing on the field, please play like soldiers.

However some teams are still deserved to be respected, Germany, Argentina and Uruguay. If there is only one hero in this world cup, his name should be Forlan, the one fighting alone from the beginning. The match of 3rd position, when his shoot on the frame, I guess I was not the only one feel shameful that the game was over, and I really wished the game could go on and on. At that moment, I finally realized the one month party was going to finish.

Those endless advertisements are off, scream disappeared, crowd dissolved..only those memories and daily lives.

By the way, do you still remember this bloody Nike advert, it is a really legendary, not less accurate than another legendary event, octopus Paul!!!

All the world, including me, was overhyped for the last one month. It is time to be peaceful to think about this summer:)

Key notes of world cup 2010... 4 teams 4 matches

1. I was a little bit late for the match of Brazil vs Netherlands, and the first scene I saw was Robinho growling to some one. During the match, this scene happened hundreds of time. He could save his energy for shooting instead of growling, probably could help his team stay till the end.
2. Shame on Brazil. If they play beautiful, I would feel sad when they were out. But they didn't, they lost their creativity on the field. Look at what Melo did, he stamped on Robben, who had operation to overcome testicle cancer. Could you be gentlemen to him?
3. I would never expect how excellent of the match of Ghana and Uruguay. When Suarez played like volleyball blocking the ball, I was screaming. At the end, his hands save his team.
4. When shootout started, Gyan was the first one from Ghana to kick the ball. The last minute of extra-time, he just missed one penalty. What a brave man. But his team was still out.
5. Well, another example of who kicks the ball first in the shootout will win.
6. After the match of Germany vs Argentina, we want to ask how many goal Germany will have for the next one, 4 again?
7. Manadona is an artist, and he has uncountable genius talented players. Loew is an engineering, and he makes all spare parts work as whole. No one denied Argentina players play fantastically as a person, but Germany plays as a well-trained team. Football is a team game. So we all saw who won the game.
8. it was the VIP presence at this match, FIFA President Sepp Blatter was present at the stadium for the first time, as was President Zuma. Socialite Paris Hilton was there, Leonardo DiCaprio was there, as were Orlando Bloom and an unglamorous-looking Charlize Theron, and the residence guest Mick Jagger. Soccer star Lothar Matthaus sat with Ballack. Of course Germany’s Chancellor Merkel came to support her team, and could not stop beaming. Ererybody was there for this big show.
9. If you missed the match of Spain vs Paraguay, you missed the most dramatic moment in this worldcup. Within 5 minutes, 3 penalties, and after, the score was still 0:0. Alnoso kicked twice, the one into the net was not counted, and the other one was blocked by the goalkeeper. What else could be more dramatic?
10. Spain bored me. We could imagine if Barca plays together with Real, this team should be invincible, but this Spain is not. Please, possession of the ball is nonsense, which is not the index of victory. Why don't Spanish player understand?
11. Till now, 4 teams and 4 matches left. I just don't like ending as usual..which makes me sad...